Only meandering ...
I wanted to share this video. It really struck home for me, even brought tears to my eyes.
I'll share one of my regrets, and it's a big one.
When I was fourteen, we'd just barely moved to the Navy Base on Treasure Island in the middle of San Francisco Bay. My mom had been in Oak Knoll Naval Hospital in Oakland for nearly two weeks as they tried to figure out what was wrong with her. With the cutting edge technology (of the day), they diagnosed a brain tumor.
The evening before her surgery, I drove with my dad to the hospital. I hated seeing my mother look so bad, and the hospital creeped me out. I chose to stay out in the car while my father went inside alone. Mom survived the surgery, but there were complications due to swelling. She died early in the morning.
If I could change anything in my life, I would have gotten out of that car and gone with my dad. I'd seen her alive one more time. I'd have told her how much I loved her. One more time.
Everyone has a story.
Everyone has regrets.
What is one of yours?
So sorry to hear you lost your mother so early, Donna! I haven't seen my father before he died either since he died in hospital early in the morning. The same was with all our grandparents.
ReplyDeleteSorry for you too, Dezzie. *hugs*
DeleteWe all have things we regret. Try not to beat yourself up too much. I know I wish I hadn't put off spending more time with my husband thinking we had time later than we never had.
ReplyDeleteYes. We always think we have more time than we do. Maybe that's why I feel so rushed with this writing thing.
DeleteSo sad! I'm sorry, Donna.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alex. I used to experience to help a teen in a similar situation who was creeped out about going to the hospital when her mom was deathly ill. The girl went. Fortunately, her mother survived.
DeleteSad indeed, we just never know. As for regrets here, I have no real big ones.
ReplyDeleteYou're fortunate, Pat. It could be a sign you go after what's important to you.
DeleteYou know, I bet your mother understood your anxiety. I worked in a hospital for a while and many terminal patients didn't wan't to be seen by friends or family because they didn't want to remember for how they looked. I know it took me many years to not remember how my dad look at the end of his life. So I say, let it go. Keep the memories you have her close to your heart and be glad.
ReplyDeleteMy one regret will sound so trite, but it's true. I regret that I won't live long enough to read all the books I want to read.
Oh, I totally get your regret about not enough time to read all the books you want to read. :D
DeleteMy condolences, Donna. My own mother passed away 20 years ago. I knew it was coming, but was teaching in a new assignment. I was saving up my sick leave days to spend her last days with her at the nursing home. She was in another town. But the home called me at the school, because she was going down faster than they expected. I left school and drove to the home, but she passed away just as I was pulling into the parking lot.
ReplyDeleteUgh. How frustrating. But at least you know that you tried.
DeleteI'm sorry, Donna!
ReplyDeleteI have a similar regret to yours (not as dramatic). I went to visit my mom and dad in 1998 with my then 7 month old baby, and on the day I left to return to the US I didn't say goodbye to my dad (he was in his room and it was very early). He passed away 2 years later and I didn't get the chance to go back until a few years after that.
It's a regret I can't get past.
*hugs* At least you know you'll see him again, and I imagine he doesn't hold it against you.
DeleteSo sorry, that's truly saddening. I'm sure she knew how much you loved her though, and as any parent will tell you, you never stop watching over your kids. Even if a little thing like mortality tries to get in the way, they're always with us:)
ReplyDeleteYes. I believe she did and doesn't hold it against me. Still, it was an opportunity for a memory that I passed up. I try to always remember that now.
DeleteSuch a powerful video. I'm sorry about your mom's passing. I've had similar things happen with loved ones and I wished I had spent more time/given more care when I could have.
ReplyDeleteAt least the experience trains us to remember to carpe diem, right?
DeleteI'm so sorry about your experience, Donna—especially at such a tender age. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie!
DeleteTwo days after I got married my Dad told me to come home because my mothers illness had taken a turn for the worse. The last time I saw her a few weeks prior she didn't know who I was. My new husband talked me out of going at that time and said we would go back in a few weeks. My mother died the next day. I wasn't with her when she died. She wouldn't have know if I was there or not, but I would have. I was 28, so no good excuse except I choose my new husbands wishes over my mother. Have regretted that ever since.
ReplyDeleteAww *hugs* Sometimes it comes down to that believe that people will last forever ... or just a little longer. When my dad passed a few years ago, I made sure to fly immediately to CA. He didn't know who I was, and my older brother who also flew in for it it said he wondered if it was worth coming since Dad didn't know we were there. I said what you just said--I knew I was there.
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